…and I don’t mean Hobbs.
Long-time readers of Everyday Mommy know that I spent a number of years working in the funeral profession. Morbid as it may sound, being around the deceased was an everyday occurrence. I loved my job and I loved helping the people that sought our assistance following a death in the family. It was meaningful and I found it fulfilling.
Being around the dead became second nature and was not at all uncomfortable. For unlike horror films or Stephen King novels the dead are utterly idle, unable to do even the most miniscule of tasks. They are the very definition of helplessness. Unwilling, unable, unresponsive, unfeeling, unproductive.
It was no surprise then that this was the illustration which was so instrumental in my embrace of the doctrines of grace. This was a journey that began in the early 1990′s when a singular question ricocheted around my mind. Following the death of my brother from colon cancer, a member of my charismatic church proclaimed that my brother had died because we did not have enough faith. I asked, “How much is enough?”
My search for the answer to that question took me to the Scriptures, which I learned to study inductively. Line upon line, precept upon precept. The irrepressible truth from God’s Word led me out of that church and it’s Word of Faith doctrine and in search of a church whose doctrine placed God’s Word center stage.
This brought me face to face with the dilemma of the doctrines of grace, also known as Calvinism. As any good Arminian will tell you, this is akin to being slapped in the face. For according to the Calvinist everything you thought you knew about salvation is…well…wrong. How many times in your life have you been called upon to unpack everything you thought you knew about a vital topic, place it on the table and examine it from top to bottom, reassessing everything you thought was sure and good and right? To quote Dylan Thomas, I did not go gently into that good night.
But, this dilemma, this Calvinism would not let me be. The more I wrestled with it the more it overtook me. Not from the writings of Calvin or any of the myriad of Reformed theologians (though I confess to a proclivity for Spurgeon), but from the clear and irrefutable teachings of God’s Word. Much as I hated to admit, when the words first crossed my lips, “I am Reformed in my faith,” there was a sweet surrender. As one friend said, “I came kicking and screaming, but I came.”
I learned that the objections to the five points of the doctrines of grace, symbolized by the acronym TULIP, are much like a house of cards. When one is agreed to the others soon follow. For me the first to fall was T; total depravity. Man is simply unable to do anything to save himself. We are dead in our sins. Unwilling, unable, unresponsive, unfeeling, unproductive. Those years of working in a mortuary prove this immutable fact. And, far from producing a sense of arrogance, as I’d thought of my Calvinist friends, this Reformed faith brings with it an overwhelming sense of humility and gratitude and wonder as I echo my Reformed brothers and sisters saying,
“Why me, Lord? Why did You choose me?”
Soli Deo Gloria!
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
“I asked, “How much is enough?””
Our pastor was addressing this the other day, and he said, “It is not the amount of our faith, but the object of our faith that saves us.” Jesus saves His people to the uttermost.
Hallelujah, what a Savior! When I began to understand the doctrines of grace – not the misperceptions that people will claim we are saying, but what the scripture teaches – it has only helped me to have a greater hunger and desire to love Jesus and to live in His grace and righteousness and a growing awe and wonder that He would save even me.
You’ve written my story…excepting the whole funeral profession part. I echo Rebekah, Hallelujah, what a Savior!
The doctrines of grace are the sweetest sound to the sinner’s ears and offensive to any who believe in their own version of righteousness, whether earned or believed to be inherent. The doctrines of grace rightly understood humble a person and drive them to testify of His greatness alone instead of personal resume.
When I held my first son in my arms and watched him take his last breath, though I willed with all my will that he would breathe again, it was not in my power or merit at all. Not for him whom I loved more than my own life, and not for me, most undeserving and unrighteous.
Only a sovereign and holy God can breathe life into a dead body. Only a sovereign and holy God will breathe life into His people, and never for their glory, but always and only for His. And in that fulfillment of His most enduring covenant, His children from every tribe, every nation, every people, and every language will cry out, “To Him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power; for ever and ever!”
Great illustration! Dead is dead, right? I still remember when my husband and I realized we had become Calvinists… and no one had even mentioned the name of Calvin to us. We simply became involved in a church that taught verse-by-verse the whole counsel of God… and in God’s sovereignty, the pastor was preaching through an epistle of Paul which was so timely for us in our anemic Christian walk.
The only thing I might change about this is the house of cards… usually a negative referenece to to something false. Maybe a domino effect?
Thanks for sharing this. I hope it is an encouragement to your readers, reformed or not!
By His grace…
Suzanne Jackson
P.S. Might I mention that the church I currently attend is just south of Atlanta? For info, see http://www.gbchome.net. God-centered, expository ministry in a really sweet fellowship!
I always knew you were on that road.
Oh, dear Jules. I remember well my own journey to the Reformed faith. I definitely came kicking and screaming. You articulated this so well. I miss hearing from you. Hope you are well.
Jo-Lynne
I was born and raised in the Reformed faith…still there
LOVED this post.
Calvin-admiring site; please visit/comment.
TheAmericanView.com
JLof@aol.com
I feel like there is so much more to this story. I left wanting to hear more. Great illustration. Sobering.
Thanks for sharing this, Jules. I am so sorry that you were handed the “not enough faith” comment at such a heart-breaking time, but I rejoice that God used it as He did.
We were part of a Baptist church for a long time and then reformed theology became introduced by the pastor. To say it rocked the boat is a massive understatement.
It caused a church split actually, but I learned so much, like you were saying. I really started to examine everything that I had been taught, and then it was like God’s word just opened up. It all made so much more sense and it really is a beautiful thing!
We are now part of a PCA church (because they are the only reformed ones in our area).
Great post.
This reminded me of my own journey this past year and a half. Was involved in a Charasmatic ministry and through my own study of some things happening – discovered the Doctrines of Grace. I resisted at first but have come to embrace and admit the same. I loved this post. Left me smiling
Great post, Jules! I feel a little left out though – I didn’t realize until today that you’re back blogging here. How much have I missed???
I’ve only come over to the Reformed side in the last 4 years, but looking back I can’t make sense of why it took me so long. I don’t remember what the sticking points were, I just know that since I began this part of the journey I’ve come to understand my faith and its underpinnings much better than I ever did before.
I am from an armenian background and am now reformed. You are so right, the biblical teaching of true grace and election (Ephesians 1 and 2) bring me face down at His feet in utter humility and wonder that the Beautiful, Righteous, Holy, Mighty, Perfect, Faithful, Loving Judge and Reedeeming One would choose this most unworthy human. Not only chosen for salvation, but chosen because He desires an intimate, eternal relationship … with me. Me? Me.