When you enter into a disciplinary arms race, there are no winners. The only outcome is getting sore throats and hurt feelings as well as rising blood pressure. In real sense, parenting does not have to be a battle. Psychology experts have shown us that kids can behave positively without using bribes, threats or yelling at them.
In this article, we are going to list important tips that can help set your teenager in the right direction. If these tips are followed you may get a peaceful and strong relationship with them.
Aim at controlling yourself as opposed to controlling your child
Experts will agree with me that it is hard to keep cool on the heat of the moment. Parents are expected to be good examples for their children. They should model the behavior that they want their teenagers to emulate. Always bear in mind that yelling will be answered with counter yelling. This kind of scenario will be chaotic. We have to avoid doing things in front of our children that we do not want them to do.
If your child engages in extreme behavior flare-up, then you will control yourself by counting to 10 and taking a deep breath. Alternatively, you can simply walk away until you cool down.
Always keep your voice down because anger and frustration are known to feed misbehavior.
Always try to understand the meaning behind a particular behavior
In her book “Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves”, Naomi Aldort writes that children always want to behave well and if that is not the case, then, there is a reason for that. Therefore, it is our job as parents to find out what is the reason behind that behavior. A problem understood is half solved. Using that knowledge try to heal the emotions and the child will not behave badly anymore. So when your child hits his siblings it is a way of attracting your attention.
Be Consistent in your actions
Parents make a mistake of overlooking certain behavior with the belief that they will go away. That never happens. If your child hits another child for instance, it is your duty to tell that child that that behavior is not acceptable. If the behavior continues, then, that is the right time to take away the child from the situation.
In some cases, the child may want to challenge the rules by making an argument. If this happens, repeat this mantra now and again “I love you so much and do not want to argue with you.”
Encourage the behavior that you like
As we stated earlier, a child engages in bad behavior because they want to attract your attention. It is a good idea sometimes to ignore such actions you do not approve. If your child engages in tantrums or whining, just ignore them by walking away and from that response your child will learn a better way of communicating with you.
Exploit the “energy drain”
Always use your child’s fatigue for your own advantage. This is referred by some experts as the “energy drain” principle. A good example is to tell the child that she or he needs to take his fights somewhere else.
When teenagers hear the word “no” for a number of times, they learn to tune it out. Do not tell your child what to do or not to do. What you need to do is to offer them a positive behavior that will replace the wrong behavior.
Avoid bribing your teenagers
In most cases you may be tempted to offer some biscuits to your child for behaving well during an outing but this is not the direction to go. A reward for good behavior sends a wrong message to them. Experts say that the best reward for good behavior is spending more time with them. Spending quality time is the best way towards a well-behaved child.